#31 (Lisa rejects Sheila's help...)
“Mom… What’re you doing here?”
Sheila Davenport watched as her daughter walked across the well-appointed drawing room and sat in an overstuffed leather club chair. While Lisa looked a little worse for wear, Sheila was pleased to see she’d still managed to put herself together. “Jackson asked me to stop by.”
“He shouldn’t have done that,” replied Lisa, wearily.
Sheila took a deep breath before sitting in the chair across from her daughter. “He’s worried about you. So am I.”
“There’s nothing to worry about. It’s a common procedure. I trust Dr. Shearer.” Lisa fiddled with the cashmere blanket carelessly draped over the arm of the club chair.
“It’s not about trust, Lisa. What you’re going through…”
“Mom, I don’t want to talk about it.”
“You need to…”
“No,” interjected Lisa. “No, I don’t need to talk about it. I need some peace and quiet before the surgery on Wednesday. That’s why Jackson took Oliver to his sister’s summer place in Nantucket. I just need…some peace and quiet.”
“Lisa, you like to sweep every emotion under the carpet as if nothing matters. But, sweetheart, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through right now. If you need me to come with you on Wednesday…”
“I don’t. Jackson will be here. His sister, Veronica, will bring Oliver to Kingsport on Saturday.”
Sheila shook her head, knowingly. “Are you going to tell Oliver about your pregnancy?”
Lisa shot her mother a furious glare. “No. He doesn’t need to know, Mom.”
“Maybe it’ll help him understand…”
“He’s nine years old! He doesn’t need to know every detail of my failed reproductive system!” Lisa bit her lip as she stared out of the bay window. “I’m sorry,” she said in a low voice. “I don’t know how to feel.”
“Lisa, you are one of the strongest people I know.”
“Ugh. Don’t even start with that!”
“It’s true!”
“I don’t want to be a strong black woman right now, Mom. I want to grieve. I want the world not to make sense. I don’t want to be strong for my husband or my son. I want to… God, I just want to sit in my house and let the silence be my friend. I don’t even know why you’re here!”
“Your husband asked me to check on you, Lisa! Jackson is worried about you and, quite frankly, so am I.” Sheila surveyed her daughter before saying, “I think it would be prudent for you to talk to a professional.”
“I don’t need to talk to a professional,” hissed Lisa. “I need to be left alone! I’m a forty-year-old woman! I don’t need my mother or my husband thinking they know what is best for me!”
“You don’t let people in! You never have!”
“Because people meddle. They think…they assume!...they know what’s best for you when it’s all dressed up in their ego.” Lisa turned her back to her mother as she sat in the window seat. She took in the sight of her swimming pool before saying, “You can go home.”
“I’m not leaving you.”
“I want you to leave, Mom,” said Lisa, evenly.
“No. You’re my daughter. You’re obviously in pain! I want to help you!”
“I don’t need help!” yelled Lisa. “I don’t need it! I don’t want it! The only thing I want is to have this…pregnancy over with, Mom! I don’t want anything else. You haven’t a clue what it’s like to have so many miscarriages and now this ectopic pregnancy. It’s been hell for me. Just hell. People look at me all the time and think that just because I’m rich with a handsome husband and smart child that my life is dandy. It’s not. The pain I’ve endured for years… A husband who’d rather spend time in New York with those whores rather than with me… The son who’s growing up so fast that before I know it, life as I’ve known it will be over…and it’ll just be me. Alone.”
Sheila rushed over to her sobbing daughter and scooped her up in her arms. “My little girl,” Sheila said after a long while, “it will be okay.”
“You don’t know that,” replied Lisa as she wiped her eyes. “All I know…I just want this pregnancy over with, Mom. I can’t bear it anymore.”
“I know…”
“Over the last few days, I can feel myself growing closer and closer to this child when I know how it will end. It’s horrific.” Lisa walked away from her mother, her mind swirling around her. “I… I haven’t told Jackson yet, but I have asked Dr. Shearer to tie my tubes as well.”
Sheila let out a stunned gasp. “Lisa! I know you’re hurting, but that’s…that’s a huge decision to make without consulting your husband!”
“It’s my body,” retorted Lisa, hotly. “I don’t need Jackson’s consent!”
“You don’t know if, one day, you’ll change your mind and want to have another child.”
“I’ve accepted that Oliver will be my only child,” sighed Lisa. “He’s enough. I can’t go through this pain again, Mom. I won’t do it.”
“Maybe it’s wise to hold off on making this huge decision until you have more clarity of mind,” reasoned Sheila.
“I don’t need more time. I’ve already made up my mind, Mom. The doctor knows what to do. I’m not confused.”
“Surely, you want to consult, Jackson…”
“Enough!” Lisa shouted at her mother. “Jackson is not my keeper! He doesn’t own me. He loves me as I am.”
“How do you know for sure that he doesn’t want another child? Neither of you have been using birth control, so it’s very likely that Jackson may want another child one day.”
Lisa stared icy daggers at her mother. “If that’s what Jackson wants,” started Lisa, “then he’ll have to find it somewhere else. I’m done.”
“You’re willing to throw away your marriage and the potential of another child to – what? – prove a point?”
“You don’t understand!” snapped Lisa. “The emotional upset and tumult I’ve gone through since last Friday have been awful. I know my chances of carrying a child to term are low. I’ve accepted that. If Jackson wants another child, then I won’t be able to help him, with or without having my tubes tied. I’m doing this for me, Mom; not for Jackson.”
“I’m wholly aware of that,” retorted Sheila. “Sometimes I worry that your insistence on being so independent will be your downfall. If you do this without telling Jackson, it’ll haunt you for the rest of your life with him, Lisa. I can guarantee that.”
“I need to rest. You should go,” Lisa said, evenly. Without looking up, she waited until her mother had left the house, closed the door, and driven away in her car before she let the tears flow. Lisa knew her mother had a point, but in this moment of pure agony, all she could do was mourn the future…and the child which was not meant to be.
In our next installment, Jackson lays down the law with Sheila...
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